If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t know who to talk to,” this is usually why your DMs feel weird.

Not because you’re bad at sales.
Not because you need better “scripts.”
Not because you’re awkward.

Most of the time, it’s because you’re missing context.

When you don’t have context, you open your DMs and your brain starts spinning:

• “What do I even say?”
• “Am I bothering them?”
• “Do I sound salesy?”
• “Are they going to think I’m about to pitch?”

And here’s the honest part: people can feel when the pitch is coming. Even if you swear you’re not pitching, most people have been “handled” in the DMs before, so they brace for it.

That’s why we’re going to burn the script.

You don’t need better lines.
You need better data.
You need better context.
You need to know who you serve.

Quick intro (so you know who’s talking)

I’m Lisbeth Graham a messaging and sales coach for service-based pros.

Since 2023, I’ve helped over a dozen women:

• get clear on who they serve
• align their offer to what their people actually want
• confidently sell in the DMs without feeling awkward or salesy

That’s what I do: audience clarity + offer alignment + simple DM sales.

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Why DMs feel forced (even when you’re “not selling”)

When I first started coaching in 2020, DMs felt awkward for me too.

Even when someone showed interest, I didn’t have a plan to move from:

conversation → clarity → next step

So everything felt forced. And over time, I noticed I started sounding like everyone else. Not on purpose… but because when you’re unsure, you grab onto whatever you think you should say.

That’s when people start leaving you on read. Because they can sense the “script energy.”

So I stopped DM’ing to sell.

I started DM’ing to research.

And that switch made the whole thing feel lighter because I wasn’t trying to convince anyone. I was trying to learn.

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The FIRE Method: Ignite → Spark → Flame

This is my method for DM market research. It’s simple, it’s human, and it works.

1) IGNITE: Who you DM

Ignite is who you message.

Most people make DMs awkward by starting with strangers.

Instead, start with warm connections.

Warm does not mean “ready to buy.”
Warm means you have context.

Examples of warm people:

• they’ve engaged with your posts
• they’ve replied to your stories
• you’ve had past conversations
• they’re in your community (Threads, IG, FB groups, etc.)
• you recognize each other’s names

Here’s the mindset shift:

You’re not bothering people when you already have a connection.
You’re simply continuing a conversation.

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2) SPARK: What you ask

Spark is what you ask, and this is the rule:

This is not a sales pitch.

You’re going into the DMs to ask questions and collect information.

Also: don’t copy/paste my questions word-for-word. They should sound like you, not me.

I use three types of questions:

A) Pain (what feels hard right now)

Examples:

• “What’s the hardest part of your business right now?”
• “What feels most frustrating about ___ lately?”
• “What’s the thing you keep getting stuck on?”

B) Attempts (what have they already tried)

Examples:

• “What have you tried so far?”
• “Have you paid for anything to fix this?”
• “What worked a little… and what didn’t work at all?”

This helps you understand whether your offer even fits.

C) Outcome (what do they actually want)

Examples:

• “If this was solved, what would change for you?”
• “If you had two extra hours a day, what would you do with them?”
• “What would ‘better’ look like in real life?”

Outcome questions are gold for messaging because they tell you what they really care about.

Important: If they ask about your offer too early, don’t rush into “here’s my link.” Ask one more question. Interest doesn’t always mean fit, and questions protect you from forcing things.

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3) FLAME: Use their words (this is the fun part)

Flame is how you use what they tell you.

You take their exact phrases and save them in a doc (I call it a copy bank).

Then you use those words for:

• hooks
• content topics
• captions
• offer messaging
• sales page language
• refining your offer (so it actually matches what they want)

Example: if multiple people tell you, “I don’t know who to talk to,” that becomes a hook because it’s their real sentence, not yours.

And when you use their words, your content stops feeling salesy.

It starts feeling like:
“Finally… someone gets it.”

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What to say to start the convo (keep it simple)

Here are a few openers that work well with warm people:

• “Hey ___, I saw your comment and wanted to ask you a quick question.”
• “Hey ___, I’m doing a little market research, can I ask you one question?”
• “Hey ___, you mentioned ___ before. What feels most frustrating about that right now?”

Keep it to one question to start.
If they respond and it flows, you can ask another.

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Your homework (don’t skip this)

Pick 3 warm contacts.

Ask them no more than 3 questions total.

Why? Because too many questions overwhelms people and they’ll disappear. (Ask me how I know.)

Then:

1. Save their words in a doc
2. Pull one phrase and use it in your next post
3. Use one outcome sentence in your offer messaging

That’s it.

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Want help doing this step-by-step?

If you want a guided version of this, join my FREE 5-Day Spark the Conversation Challenge. It walks you through:

• who to talk to
• what to ask
• how to build a “copy bank” from real conversations
• how to use their words for hooks + content + offer messaging

And if you want ongoing coaching, workshops, expert trainings, and community support to grow without scripts, you’ll love The Phoenix Experience. More information to come on this beautiful membership.